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Thursday, May 19, 2011

I'm Still Here - I'm Surprised!

Sorry for the lack of stitching posts and the lack of pictures.  I'm still coming to terms with my recent "life change" and it's been a bit rocky.  Yesterday, I got out for a bit and that seemed to cheer me up.  I bought some quilting fabric to back some ornaments and I had breakfast and lunch with a  couple of friends.  It was a good day over all. 

On Monday, I wanted to throw in the towel.  I spent over an hour reading on how to sign up for unemployment, only to find out at the very end when I submitted my claim that I was placed in the wrong category.  45 minutes later and listening to eleventy dozen recordings, I finally got a real live person who proceeded to tell me that my name was not removed from a particular database from years ago when the company I worked for put us all on Shared Work.  Because I was in their system, I was automatically placed there.  I was given another phone number to call and another 45 minutes later, listening to another gazzillion recordings, I got a real live person who corrected the error but told me that it would take 24 hours to take effect because the system had to re-gen.  Ok.  THAT started my first morning, when I was in a panic because I don't have a job and I am so stressed out, crying every few minutes. 

Adding insult to injury, all the plumbing under my sink came loose and I didn't know it.  When I started to wash dishes, I felt water splashing on my feet.  I thought, the dog is pee-ing on me!  No wait, she's not even in the kitchen, she's watching Livy. (Daisy guards our cat, Livy, like she's her prized possession).  Apparently, when our contractor hired out to complete the plumbing, he hired someone who didn't know what he was doing.  In the process of putting the plumbing together, this person stripped all the pipe connections and just used plumbing tape to hold the joints together.  5 years later, tape failure!  When I opened up the cupboard doors, I found an inch & 1/2 of dirty, stinky water in the bottom of the cabinet. Everything was wet.  You could have sailed a boat under there.  I just sat down on the floor and sobbed. 

6 hours and $500 dollars later, my plumbing was put back together and 3 shutoff valves in the basement were replaced.  The plumber did some preventative maintenance, we knew one of the valves was leaking but he replaced 2 more because they were in bad shape.  He also told us our water heater (that's 25 years old) is dying.  CHA-CHING!!!

I am finding that I run a whole range of emotions and they change constantly without warning. The weekend was just tears. Monday was raw emotion. Yesterday, I was pretty happy.  Today, I have feelings of doubt that I will find a job.  I face the task of writing a resume and searching for something that "fits".  I have a lot of support but I have to keep myself positive. Sometimes that's hard for me. I miss the routine of work. Even though my job was stressful and I worried constantly about retaining it, I find myself rattling around here, going from one thing to the next.  I can't concentrate for long periods of time and looking at the process of finding work seems like a tall mountain.  I know that it gets better with time.  I'll establish a routine and things will fall into place. 

Everyone I've talked to told me to take my time and not rush into anything. Regroup, detox.  Find myself because after working for so long, you lose "you".  I feel conflicted about it because I am so used to taking action. That was my job, when I had a job.  Fixing things.  Finding solutions.  Taking control. Taking corrective actions.  I feel like this is totally beyond my control. And for someone who has a desire to control, this is very difficult.  I keep praying for guidance.  For help to find my way through this "out of control" (in my mind's eye) time.

I have stitched a bit on Bee Man and the exchanges that are so late now.  Sorry kids, they will come.  It's just gonna take a bit of time.  I'm trying to stick to some sort of routine, walking, horses, cleaning, stitching.  My tangerine room is almost done.  I have to make curtains which I think will begin to happen on Friday.  I am sorting through things and putting stuff away. 

Anyway, I won't have pictures to post until next week.  The DH is visiting his family in PA and he's got the camera.  I'm hoping to have a picture heavy couple of posts for you soon.  I thank you for allowing me to pour out my heart to you.

It's good to have all of you.

22 comments:

Giovanna said...

Hold on tight, Joanie - you will pull through and be able to throw a huge resounding raspberry at this stinking period of your life. Just stick to doing what you need to/can do. Hugs.

Loretta said...

((((Joanie))))

KarenV said...

Hope things start settling down for you soon Joanie.

Joy said...

Routines can be so helpful...I know it's difficult but try to stay positive. Wishing you Happy Days!

Katrina said...

Big hugs!!! I can't imagine how stressful things are right now. It takes time to process your emotions and put everything in 'it's place'. Hope things settle down soon.

Lee said...

((Joanie))

Hang in there girlie! We're out here rooting for you.

Von said...

Sending you a big supportive hug, Joanie!! I know you'll find a way through this rough patch.

Nancy said...

Hang in there...sounds like you are grieving which is very normal after a sudden unexpected change in your life. Just hold on and keep plugging away, it WILL get easier! Also you might try looking for a volunteer opportunity where you can use your skills...helping others is a sure fire way to focus your mind away from yourself and your problems and get a better perspective on things. It will all work out!!

Melissa said...

Yeah, been there, Joanie. Although our circumstances are different I would say the first couple of weeks (or three) are the worst in terms of how you will feel. Hang in there!

Sending you a big hug!

valerie said...

Hang in there Joanie. Job transitions are hard and it takes some time to get used to the loss. Do the little things that make you happy and that will help a little. Take baby steps back into the job search. My local library has a job search support network...helps with resumes and job search. Maybe there is something like that near you and you might find it helpful?

Marlene said...

There is a reason behind everything that happens to us, we can't always tell what it is, but wait to see some thing unfold, and stitch your time whilst you can.

Glenna said...

Have you thought of getting training to work in healthcare? I am. Thinking of it, that is. A gazillion jobs, and they aren't going to be going anywhere. At my age and yours (we're about the same age), it's a tad daunting but NOT impossible. I don't know if you have a severance package or retraining opportunities, but I can tell you that if you use a portion of your 401(k) for education, there's no penalty on the early withdrawal although you'd still have to pay the taxes on it. You're smart (clearly), you raised a wonderful young man, you have life skills and work skills. Early days yet, and as for the howlingly awful days--yep, been there. It WILL get better in little increments. Hang on! Personally, I disagree with those who say that things happen for a reason; I'm the exact opposite--I think it's all quite random and that it's just a matter of where and when we step off the curb.

woolwoman said...

Joanie - I had tried to respond to your previous post but blogger was acting up and ate my response - I never got back to telling you how very sorry I was to hear about your job - I know how devastating this type of thing can be and in a grim job market even more so. I feel SOOO bad for you - I have read a lot of people say that when looking for a job - they get up in the morning just like reporting for work - that is their "new job" to find a job - they study - send resumes - conduct job searches and sometimes research other training possibilities to change careers - I wish I could help you - I feel your pain - once you recover from the shock - maybe you could try devoting at least a certain number of hours every day to finding a new job or career and fill your time that way until you get a new job. May your prayers be answered and you find direction. (((HUGS))) Mel

marly said...

It's a big adjustment, and it takes a while to settle into a routine. It did for me. Take advantage of this break, you are still in control of what you will do with your time!

Casa Pearl said...

So sorry to hear about your job loss. I have been there and it is no fun. Let yourself grieve for your loss - because it is one - and don't beat yourself up. You are a woman of strong faith so you know the window will be open. Try and relax so you will be able to see it when it comes. It will! Hug, P

Charlene ♥ SC said...

Advice is probably not what you want, but just a thought. If you have a bit of money coming through unemployment, try to take a bit of time to evaluate where you can find a job to FIT your known talents. Surely they have skill matching software - where does that scheduled, control personality work best? Get all your stash organized (it probably already is) and work on Christmas gifts while you have the time - you won't be stressed when the holidays come, and you have to work! Cyber hugs!!

Karoline said...

{{{{Joanie}}}}

Penelope's Beehive said...

Sending positive thoughts, warm hugs, and friendly smiles across the countryside.

Warmly,
Judy

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Joanie, I'm late visiting from my post last week (still recuperating from an old injury which I'm battling), but despite my tardiness, I still wanted to thank you for your sweet comments. I appreciate them and you more than you know. Thanks for sharing your heart with me in that post. I really appreciate it.

I'm so sorry to read that you have gone through this job situation and the other with the things breaking. I am going to get in agreement with you in prayer that the Lord will give you the perfect job for you soon. I also pray that He will see you through the house repairs. Looks like you have a lot of friends praying with you, and God is faithful to answer prayers.

XO,

Sheila

Siobhan said...

Hang in there, gf. I hate these times of uncertainty. Besides prayer, the one thing that manages to calm me down as I start to spiral out of control with worry is asking myself, "Is there anything I can do about this?". I then do what I can do, and the rest--I give it up to God. It doesn't stop me from waking up at 3 AM with panic attacks, but it's the thing I cling to that calms me down.

Deb said...

Hang in there Joanie. Something like this is a huge adjustment. I didn't get let go from my job but left when my daughter was born after 21 years. I felt like a ship without a rudder even though I had another child to take care of, I felt that things were just out of control. I was used to working, not being a child care giver except after work. But things improved. It will be a slow process but don't stress over it. Use that energy for some creative things.

Terri said...

Joanie. Hugs. I can just imagine the floundering feeling you're having since you weren't expecting to be unemployed. I'm very late to this party since I've been dealing with some issues around here, but I want to share something with you.

DH is retiring after 30 years in the Marine Corps. One of the things discussed in his pre-separation brief, that we have been attending this week was the exact feeling you are having now.

Everyday for the past however many years you've gotten up at the sound of your alarm clock, put on your uniform, and gone to work.

Today when your alarm goes off you still have a job to do. Your job now is looking for a job. Set your alarm for when you normally would get up for an 8-5 job. Take a shower, eat your breakfast, drink your coffee/tea, take out something for tonight's dinner, get dressed for work and start looking for a job.

The headhunters who we've been listening to say that in this economy you need to apply for any job that you're remotely qualified for. An average of 50 resumes a week need to be sent out. Change your resume for every single job you apply for. And send out resume, after resume, after resume. Every person you know should be told you're looking for a job.

I hope things will look up for you. Hugs.