Have you ever been in such a bad mood that you felt like nothing was worth it?
I've been in this funk for the last week and I was beginning to get worried. Usually, I can smile through just about anything but this week that wasn't going to happen. I dragged myself through the day into the evening with a grey, scratchy, flannel mood wrapped around me. I can't describe how I felt. Incredibly sad? No. Just incredibly tired and with the attitude that nothing mattered. And I could not sit still and concentrate at all. Little tasks were irritating and I couldn't be bothered with the larger things. I plodded through my days. Plodding is a great word...I felt I couldn't lift one foot in front of the other, so I scrapped them along, thumping through time. I don't know why this happened to me.
Last night, the mood lifted a little bit. I spent quality time with my horses. What therapy! They have a tendency to calm me. I did chores and it felt good to be taking care of things that directly affected the well being of my animals. I got nickers for thanks. I hand-grazed Maggie as the other 2 were in the round pen finishing their dinner. Maggie was exhuberant to eat green grass and not hay for 20 minutes until the bugs finally got the best of both of us. She snuffed and sniffed, snorted and chomped and took so much grass into her mouth that her cheeks were bulging. She just couldn't get enough. When she found a patch of clover with flowers, she just hoovered it away. And for the first time in a week, I actually smiled. Here was this 1200 pound animal in absolute delight over CLOVER.
So after I put her back into the barn with a hay snack for the evening, I went in the house. Instead of becoming overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I should do, I picked out a few non-taxing things, like doing up the dishes and throwing a load of laundy into the washer. As I did these things, I could feel this cloud lifting a bit more.
I believe I just needed to feel that what I did mattered. Horses will do that for you. Thank God for my equines.
So now, it's the morning an now I am at work. My mood isn't completely cleansed but I feel a lot better. And I think that it should continue.
Welcome to a new day!